plant and run

self awareness | March 2, 2010

One of the subjects that our coaches here at Fellowship Associates have drilled into us is the idea of “self-awareness.”

A team cannot operate effectively unless each of it’s members are self-aware. Self-awareness means that you know your strengths and weaknesses and you aren’t insecure about them.

That is easier said than done.

A great tool to help each of us along the journey towards self-awareness is the book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero.

Scazzero includes this helpful self-awareness scale

0……………….25……………….50……………….75……………….100

0-25

• Can’t distinguish between fact and feeling
• Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others
• Much of life energy spent in winning the approval of others
• Little energy for goal-directed activities
• Can’t say, “I think…I believe…”
• Little emotional separation from families
• Dependent marital relationships
• Do very poorly in transitions, crises, and life adjustments
• Unable to see where they end and others begin

25-50

• Some ability to distinguish between fact and feeling
• Most of self is a “false self” and reflected from others
• When anxiety is low, they function relatively well
• Quick to imitate others and change themselves to gain acceptance from others
• Often talk one set of principles/beliefs, yet do another
• Self-esteem soars with compliments or is crushed by criticism
• Become anxious (i.e. highly reactive and “freaking out”) when a relationship system falls apart or becomes unbalanced
• Often make poor decisions due to their inability to think clearly under stress
• Seek power, honor, knowledge, and love from others to clothe their false selves

50-75

• Aware of the thinking and feeling functions that work as a team
• Reasonable level of “true self”
• Can follow life goals that are determined from within
• Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down
• Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self
• Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult autonomy
• Function well–alone or with others
• Able to cope with crises without falling apart
• Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same

75-100 (Few people function at this level)

• Is principle oriented and goal directed–secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise
• Is able to leave family of origins and become an inner-directed, separate adult
• Sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking
• Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favor of new ones
• Can listen without reacting and communicate without antagonizing others
• Can respect others without having to change them
• Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others
• Free to enjoy life and play
• Able to maintain a non-anxious presence in the midst of stress and pressure
• Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life.

So…where do you think you fall on this scale?

Remember, the opposite of self-awareness would be self-deception…so it would be easy to read over this list and not be honest with yourself about where you really are…